What then?

What if this pull really does go both ways… What if you really are thinking about me as much as I'm thinking about you… What if you're actually reading this letter (I mean, I know that's nonsense, but bear with me)…

What then?

Are we forever doomed to resist that pull, ignoring the potential for an incredible love, convincing ourselves it's a childish thing and forcing ourselves to try to be content with our current situations?

Do we… test the waters? And if so, how? Without compromising the moral codes we each live by? Can we do things together, in safe situations and places… Would that be ok? Would it be enough? Do you want to take the kids to play mini-golf sometime?

Or are we back to that first one, suppressing it all… But with the understanding that one day our situations might change? Is that really better? And what would bring about that change? I kinda don't want you to be my straw…

This is crazy (but then again, what else is new with me?), but on the incredibly off chance we somehow end up together… I want it to happen organically. I want so very, very much to love you, but I don't want that love to be tainted (if it isn't already). And I don't know how to get from here to there aside from patience… I'm not even sure I know how to get from here to there at all.

But I wonder… If I knew with certainty that you would be there at the end of that road, waiting for me… That this is more than just a gut feeling, that those looks, those smiles, that eye contact, are more than just neighborliness…

What then?